Why No One Should Ever Give Kurama Caffeine Under Any Circumstances
by kpotter1993
Summary: What madness could cause even Hiei to lose his cool? It all comes out at Genkai's when Yukina suggests that they drink Monster...This is a crackfic/oneshot that sprang forth and demanded to be typed. Rated T because of raunchy humor and swearing. Enjoy my and Kurama's insanity!


**(A/N: Hey! It's-ah me, Mario!~ Just kidding, I'm totally K! I know, I know, I should be updating my Harry Potter fic…..but this plot bunny has been threatening to light my books on fire if I didn't type it and well…. They're my babies! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, I don't own YuYu Hakusho! Enjoy this crack fic/oneshot thingy!)**

**Why No One Should Ever Give Kurama Caffeine Under Any Circumstances**

It was a wonderful day full of sunshine and butterflies at Genkai's place and the whole gang (minus Kurama, who would be arriving later after picking up groceries for his mother) was setting up for a party to celebrate the fact that they had gone an entire month without any super-strong demons making elaborate schemes to murder all humans but mostly Yuusuke. (Hiei wasn't helping, but rather glaring at the streamers Keiko was putting up) Just then, Yukina walked in carrying a black can with a ragged green "M" on the front of it.

"I found this drink called Monster at the convenient store the other day and I thought it would be perfect for-" But the end of Yukina's attempt to add some irony and humor to the party she was drowned out by the sound of everyone (even Hiei) screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" with wild, panicked looks on their faces.

"Why not?" asked the bemused (and slightly freaked out) Ice demoness.

Keeping with their creepy unison speech, they all said, "Kurama."

"What about him?" she enquired, now somewhat fearing the answer.

"Well it all started when the Moron ("Hey!") decided it would be a brilliant idea to introduce Kurama to this drink called Purple…." Genkai started.

"Er…..purple?"

"An asinine mixture of grape Kool-aid and Mountain Dew. Anyway….

**~THIS LINE IS A SEG-WAY INTO A SHARED FLASHBACK! TACOS!~**

Kurama paused in front of Yuusuke's apartment and listened for a moment to the yelling going on in there.

"SHIT! GET IT OVER THE SINK!" came Yuusuke's voice.

"I'M TRYING!" came the voice of his fellow ginger. (read: Kuwabara)

"TRY HARDER!"

At this, Kurama decided that he better go break it up before Yuusuke decided to finger-bang(read: Spirit Gun) them all to hell. As he walked through the door he called out, "Hey, didn't both of you need tutoring in English?"

"Sure, just let me clean the dumbass's mess!" Yuusuke replied. Kurama heard a sink running in the kitchen and Kuwabara's muttered swearing at Yuusuke and decided to sit down on the couch to wait for them. Ten minutes later, Yuusuke and Kuwabara came into the room clutching three mountain dew bottles containing a purple liquid. Curious, Kurama asked, "What is that?"

"It's purple! We figured this tutoring session would be boring and we would need something to keep us awake!" Kuwabara replied in his cheery manner.

Slightly miffed at the implications of that explanation, Kurama inquired, "And how is this 'purple' supposed to help?"

"Try some!" Yuusuke exclaimed, slightly more energetic than he was before as he had already started drinking his bottle of pure caffeine and sugar. Kurama looked hesitant.

"I don't know, I haven't drunk anything with a higher caffeine content than tea." He said.

"Oh, come on! It's just grape Kool-Aid powder mixed with mountain dew, what could it hurt? Don't be such a pussy!" Yuusuke challenged. Kurama's eyes flashed.

"Fine!" he exclaimed angrily, grabbing one of the bottles and chugging it all down. As his scowl turned into a wild grin and his pupils dilated, Kuwabara and Yuusuke exchanged a panicked look; they were soo fucked. As they came to that conclusion, Kurama sprang up and dashed out of the apartment cackling madly.

_Oh, hell!_

**~Time skip in which Kurama has been skipping at demon-speed through the town~**

"So have those morons finally driven you over the edge? Is that what this is?"

"Oh-lighten-up-Hiei!-I-just-drank-some-purple-that-Yuusuke-gave-me-and-now-I'm-having-some-fun!-You-know-what?-You-need-to-lighten-up-too!" Kurama said all of this very quickly, maniacal grin still in place. Before Hiei could reply, the fox demon threw some seeds into Hiei's hair. When they bloomed, they had formed a flower crown on the fire demon's head. They were all tinged purple for some reason and Hiei did not like this one bit.

"Kurama, you have exactly one second to get this ridiculous thing the hell off of my head before I slice you to bits." Hiei growled.

"Why-don't-you-try-it-for-yourself?-I'm-off-to-get-more-purple!" Kurama replied, turning around to again skip at demon speed.

Sighing and trying to fend off the impending migraine, Hiei pulled off the crown. Why did he feel so cold? And why were those female teenaged humans spouting blood from their noses? Looking down, he saw the answer. When he had taken off the crown, his clothes had morphed into a thong, corset, and a dog collar. Growling, he put the crown back on to morph his clothes back only to find that instead of it changing his clothes back, it turned the lingerie pink. Screaming in frustration, Hiei ran to find clothes. When he reached where he was staying in the forest, however, he found all of his robes had been bleached and then tie-died. His eye twitching, he put the desecrated robes on over his now kinky attire.

"YUREMESHI IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!" was Hiei's cry as he sped back to town at top speed.

**~Now at the supermarket~**

"Er…Kurama? Is there any particular reason you are trying to rot your teeth out?" Keiko asked when she spotted Kurama's cart filled with bottles of mountain dew and grape Kool-Aid mix.

"Because-Miss-Debbie-Downer-McWetBlanket,-I-like-to-have-fun!" He replied when he noticed a cop nearby. His brain then hatched a plan to liven up Keiko's day. "NO I WILL NOT BUY POT FROM YOU!" He shrieked at her before checking out his fix. As he left he saw Keiko getting handcuffed to the shopping cart and giggled a little. This day was anything but boring.

He then proceeded to mix the Kool-Aid and mountain dew so that he could prolong his time before he crashed; after all, he was having the most fun he had had in years! As he thought of that, he realized there was someone else who hadn't had fun in years: Genkai!

**~At Genkai's (isn't she so lucky?)~**

"Why do you have giggling purple demonic flowers in your hair again?" Genkai inquired feeling a migraine coming on.

"Because-I'm-just-bursting-with-energy-and-life!" Kurama replied happily, "And-on-the-topic-of-having-a-life,-I've-noticed-that-you-haven't-had-any-real-fun-in-a-while-so-I-invited-a-bunch-of-my-classmates-to-liven-up-this-place!"

"You….didn't…"Genkai growled.

"Oh-but-I-did,-no-need-to-thank-me!" Kurama exclaimed, quite happy with himself.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Kurama, bouncing with energy and excitement, let in the rowdy bunch of teenagers and yelled, "YOU-HAVE-FUN-NOW!" to Genkai and then skipped off to mess about the town. This definitely didn't help Genkai's migraine.

**~At Yuusuke's apartment a few hours later~**

"N-now everybody calm down, I'm sure it isn't that bad!" Yuusuke said backing into a corner with Kuwabara away from their angry friends and teacher.

"He turned me into a hippie prostitute!"

"He got me strip-searched by the cops in a supermarket!"

"He sicked hooligans on my estate! And the last anyone's seen, he's now frolicking around town throwing demon seeds claiming to be a flower child!"

At this point everyone's anger overcame them. They slapped Yuusuke and Kuwabara silly for about an hour before looking for Kurama. On the way they saw pure chaos, with plants chasing people and giving them wedgies. Hours later, they found the fox demon asleep on top of a tree in the park.

**~END FLASHBACK~**

"As I understand it, Koenma's still filling out all the paper work to cover this whole incident up." Genkai finished.

At this point, Yukina's eyes couldn't be opened any wider if she tried.

"Okay I see your point but what do we do with the 12-pack of Monster that I bought?" she asked.

They all looked at each other and then the 12-pack. In an instant, Keiko had kicked the box, Yuusuke and Genkai spirit-gunned it, Hiei hit it with the dragon of darkness flame, and Kuwabara stabbed the ashes with his spirit sword. Everyone sighed with relief and Yuusuke said, "We dodged a bullet with that one!"

Just then, Kurama walked in sipping a Red Bull, "Dodged-a-bullet-with-what?"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

**~END~**


End file.
